The night I almost died

This is one of the few stories I'll tell where no actual promiscuity was involved. But it's such a good story I need to tell it.

There won't be any of that this time

Photo credit: Kaiden Diavolo


The scene is freshman year, I think it's late winter, early spring. My roomie and I headed to our friends' room in our building because these guys always had alcohol and we knew we could count on them to share. We decided to take shots of cheap vodka and make a mark on our arm with a sharpie for every shot we took, that way we could keep track of how many we drank but also try to show off how cool we were with how many shots we had. If I remember correctly, I had about six. We then went to a party that was pretty far away, we had to of taken a cab there. I remember bumping into a girl I went to high school there and we all took a group picture. I vaguely remember sitting in the kitchen of this apartment drinking while other people were having a conversation. Like I was just drinking by myself. Anyway, I black out and come to in the hospital, lying in a bed with an IV in my hand.



And guess who is sitting next to me? My mom. I'm mortified. First of all, I don't know how I got there. Second, I don't know how my mom got there. I figured I was there because I drank too much, at least I knew that much. I asked my mom why she was there and she said that I told the hospital to call her. WTF. In my drunken, blackout state I told the hospital to call my mom and I gave them her phone number? Why would I do that?? After I get over that shock, I ask what's wrong with me and she said my friends called an ambulance because I was unresponsive and turning blue. They didn't have to pump my stomach, thankfully. But there was a homeless guy in the bed next to me.

The nurse eventually came over and asked how I was doing, I said I just wanted the IV out of my hand and attempted to pull it out myself. But we had to wait for the doctor to say I was good to go. So I asked my mom how she even got into the city, because she gets lost anytime she drives into the city, and she said dad was waiting out in the parking lot. Another WTF. I can handle my mom, but my dad? I did not even want to think about what he was going to say.

I finally got the OK to leave, so I walked out of that emergency room with the blanket from the bed wrapped around me. I'm pretty sure I was still drunk, because once I got into the car with both my mom and dad I had the balls to tell them I wanted to go back to my dorm. My mom said I should come home with them, but I was adamant that I didn't want to. I basically demanded I be brought back to my dorm. And they obeyed! I'm guessing they must have just been relieved I didn't die that they didn't even think to be mad at me.

We pulled up to my dorm and my mom wanted to walk me up to my room. We got to the desk where you have to show your student ID to get in and I didn't have my ID. Just great. But I did have my phone, so I called one of my friends in the dorm and luckily she answered and came down to sign me in. I made it up to my room, bid my mother adieu, and went to sleep.



The next day I learned from my friends the full story of what went down. We got a cab from that party and I threw up in it, costing one of my friends an extra $75 owed to the driver for cleanup. My friends brought me to another friend's room in our dorm and I threw up on her roommate's blanket. That's around the time I became unresponsive and started turning blue. They called an ambulance, and I was taken outside in a gurney, where a small crowd formed around the ambulance to see what was going on.

Luckily, the school gave me "amnesty" for my indiscretion, as they have a policy where they want students to seek help if they are in danger as opposed to trying to handle the situation and hide it where the outcome could be much worse. And, my mom called me the next day and asked how I was doing without expressing anger or complete disappointment!

That's the embarrassing story of how I almost died. In the end, I think I was lucky that I didn't get into any kind of trouble. But after that night I could never take a shot again. Anytime I tried to, I gagged. So I just gave up shots, it was easier that way.

I'm Back!

I received a message from someone that actually read my blog and wanted to read more! This has brought me back here to re-kindle the blog magic.

I'm going completely out of order here with my stories, but I'm going to tell you about the very brief sexual encounter I had with a guy I nicknamed "emo Alex."


Freshman year there was this guy in my econ class that looked emo but I thought he was cute. I secretly pined for him, but never had the guts to talk to him. Except maybe when I was drunk, but even then he didn't hang out with mutual friends that often, so I didn't have a lot of chances to try and talk to him when I was drunk.

One fateful night I got him to come to my dorm room with me (don't ask me how, I don't remember). We got naked and started to go at it but he stopped and said he didn't think he could do this. I'm like "UM why?" He was literally in me for two seconds and stopped. He said he just broke up with his girlfriend and he wasn't sure about things and so I just said "Yes you can do this" and tried to kiss him and be sexy. He went along with it for maybe five seconds and then stopped and said he couldn't do this. I tried again to get him to cooperate, but he wouldn't. I don't technically remember what happened after that, like maybe he quietly got dressed and I laid in bed with a pouty face? Or maybe he got dressed and I called him an emo boy. Anyway, I obviously told my friends about it and every time we saw him after that we whispered about emo boy.

My 25th Birthday

For my 25th birthday I wanted to do something big, so I gathered up a bunch of friends and we went to Mohegan Sun to do a little gambling and go to their nightclub.  We rented a hotel room a couple miles away and took a shuttle to get to the casino.  I was pumped and looking to score.  I should also let you know that I had recently gotten a nose job and wanted to show off my new face.  I was feeling pretty and wanted to have a good time. 

When we first got to the club we met a couple guys at the bar, but the one I thought was cute had a strange high pitched voice.  Too bad.  As the night went on, and I got more drunk, I realized there weren't many good prospects.  The guy from earlier that I thought was cute was dancing with this one girl for a while, but later on I saw him by himself and we started dancing.  For some reason I don't feel bad being sloppy seconds when I'm really drunk.

We started making out, and then he pulled me off the dance floor and out of the club.  I didn't ask questions, I went along with it.  We left the casino, got in a cab, and went back to his hotel, which was a few miles away.  We were fooling around, but he said he didn't have a condom.  I'm surprised I stood my ground, but I did, and we didn't have sex.  I should also probably tell you that I was on the last day of my period, but I didn't say anything to him about it. 

He fell asleep pretty quickly and I was like "Um what am I supposed to do now?" I was mad he didn't want to make out with me anymore.  So I figured it was time to leave.  I used the bathroom first and noticed he left his wallet on the sink.  I knew I would need cab money to get back to my hotel, so I looked in the wallet to see if he had any cash.  Score, he did.  I took the cash, along with one of those visa gift cards, hoping there was still money on it.  I feel justified in taking it because he was such a let down.  Who goes to Mohegan Sun and doesn't bring condoms?

I went down to the lobby to get a cab, but I think karma got me because I had to wait a good hour before one finally showed up.  When I told my friends the story they were shocked, basically telling me I robbed that guy.  But I didn't profit on the venture, I had enough cash to pay the cab and when I called the number on the gift card it said there was a zero balance.

The Proctor

In our dorms they had proctors who sat at a desk and swiped your ID so you could get in, to keep out the crazies. Well freshman year there was this one proctor who I thought looked cool, a little mysterious perhaps. Of course I was shy when I was sober, so I never actually talked to him.  But one night I went to a small party and the proctor was there! I got super drunk and don't remember that night, but apparently I hooked up with the proctor. He told me the next day that he was licking my nipple in front of other people at the party and I didn't seem to mind. Wtf.

 

 

I don't really remember much about our flings, except that I liked having sex with him.  Problem was, I got attached.  And he didn't want to date me.  So he was basically my booty call.  I remember he used to wear rollerblades to get around.  He was the only guy on campus who had rollerblades.  Why did I find this guy attractive??  He had some other oddball habits, too.  He would collect cigarette packages to get the proof of purchase to send in for free gear, but he didn't smoke.  He thought he was pretty cool.  I guess back then I was so desperate for someone to like me that I tolerated his strangeness. 

 

Eventually things fizzled, and then he got a girlfriend.  So that kind of hurt.  It took me a while to get over him because he was the first guy I hooked up on a regular basis.  I graduated in 2009 and in my Facebook message history the last time we talked was in 2010, just random chit chat.  No lie, the other day he messaged me and said I should come visit him.  I haven't talked to this guy in like 4 or 5 years, and he doesn't even start the conversation normally with a "hi" he just says I should visit him.  Sadly, I'm actually thinking about doing it.

Freshman Year of College...

So I've been told I should include stories from college, probably because they are hilarious, but it's hard to remember all the details!  I went out practically every weekend freshman year, there's practically a good story from each night out.  A lot of the details had to be filled in by friends the next day, because I didn't remember most of the night.  

I remember one time my roommate, her friend from home, and I went to a party on Mission Hill that was actually a party thrown by the squash team.  Do I know anything about squash? No, but I do remember thinking one of the guys on the team was cute.  In typical fashion, we pre-gamed before we went to the party and then when we got there we took a selfie in their pantry.  



I vaguely remember my friend saying she wanted to go home, but me in a good, buzzed mood wanted to stay.  Normally, I can be kind of shy in social situations and like to have a friend with me as a back up, especially in a place I don't know anyone.  But for some reason that night I didn't care.  After my friend left, I blacked out because the next think I remember I'm walking back to my dorm with two guys as my escorts in a t-shirt that is not mine.  

I wake up the next morning and realize my camera is missing.  Did I leave it in a cab? Did I leave it at the party? Did someone steal it? Since I think I remember walking home, I realize I must have left it at the party.  Now this was 2005, because we had nice phones to take pictures and needed legit cameras to take pictures.  And I loved to take pictures when we went out, so I wanted my camera back.  I convinced my roomie to go back to the house where the party was to see if they had my camera.  

When we get there the guy that answers the door tells me they have my camera but that his roommate isn't happy because he's going to have to get his carpet cleaned after I threw up all over it last night.  He then proceeds to tell me that I was making out with the high school senior they invited as a recruit for the squash team when I puked on the carpet.  What?!  I don't remember any of this.  I apologize profusely for the mess, but don't offer to pay for cleaning it because I'm just a poor college freshman.

Another roommate appears and asks how I'm feeling. He says last night he helped me into one of his t-shirts after I threw up, and not to worry, he was gentlemanly about it.  I appreciate the kindness, but figured it was time for me to hightail it out of there. 

I did not want to return the shirt to this guy, feeling super awkward about the whole night, so I just kept it and figured he would get over it, it's just a t-shirt after all.  Well, he decided to facebook friend me (which is what you did back then after you met someone once at a party).  He messaged me one day and asked how his t-shirt was. Uuum.  I actually cut it up to re-upholster my desk chair because it was soft fabric.  I didn't tell him this, I told him it was great and then ignored him after that.

Finally starting a blog!

I've been wanting to write about my misadventures with men for so long, I just never had the motivation to do it.  But the other day at book club, several glasses of wine in, I was telling my friends about my recent experience with a guy and they all said 'You need to write this stuff down!' So here I am, finally putting pen to paper, well actually finger to key. The problem is, where do I begin?? I guess there is no way I can go in chronological order, because then I'd have to start 10 years back and we could be here for a while.  So I'm going to write about random events and maybe one day put them in order.  

But for a little background, I went to an all girls Catholic high school and was a complete nerd, so it wasn't until I got to college that I really came out of my shell and embraced my femininity. When I look back, it really wasn't until that summer before I started college that I started feeling pretty and more confident about myself.  I was a virgin.  But that didn't last long once I started school at a big university in Boston.  Two weeks in I jumped into bed with an emo looking guy I thought was so cute, who also happened to live in my dorm.
Needless to say, that "relationship" didn't last long.  




But freshman year was a blast, I made so many friends and hooked up with a lot of guys.  I'm not going to say I'm proud of that, but I do think I deserved to let loose and enjoy myself after maintaining a 4.0 in high school and being the epitome of the perfect child every parent wants their child to be like. Yes, I do think highly of myself.  That's why my life experiences are so funny, because they can be a complete contradiction to how I present myself to family and co-workers.  

Right now I work full-time in a job I don't really like, but it pays well so I can't just leave. I'm in graduate school part-time but am graduating this May. I live by myself in Boston, I'm in my late 20's, and I struggle to find a guy suitable enough for me to date.  My friends think I am too picky, but I just know what I want.  I thought I would be married by now with a baby on the way, but I am so far from that goal it's scary.  I haven't been in a real relationship in years, and even then that one didn't last more than 5 months.  

I've been on a lot of first dates, hooked up with several random guys, and have had a few "friends with benefits."  My ability to gain a lot of confidence when I drink too much has gotten me into a lot of trouble.  This blog is about all the crazy, stupid, or funny things I've gotten myself into on my journey to find "Mr. Right."  Stay tuned for a new story each week. These are not tales of fiction, although sometimes I wish they were.  They are indeed 100% true.